Unfortunately,
today’s society is inundated with ‘Helicopter parents’. We all know them; the overprotective and the
over involved. A sure sign is when we see a child who is being lovingly
smothered! J This isn’t necessarily a bad
thing- we just need to learn to give our children room to learn their own
lessons, make their own mistakes. Too
many parents take care of any possible issues for the child, allowing the child
to skate through life as though they are a King or Queen! What do they learn from this? They begin to
believe everyone should cater to their every whim and desire. They believe they are entitled. They learn to disrespect their parents, as
well as everyone they encounter. Why
should they need to show respect when that person’s obligation is to keep them
not just satisfied but over-indulged?
I like
to think our family is not like that. Granted, today’s society is much
different from when I grew up, but we still need to give them space to learn.
My children (ages 15 & 12) both have cell phones, but this allows me the
comfort to let them go on their own. They are allowed to go hang out with
friends for hours on end. Yes- I’d like
to have an idea of plans; but I am trying to instill responsibility through
lessons at home, not hiding 100 feet behind a bush while I follow them!! J My children have chores, without an
allowance. They are a part of this
family; therefore they must contribute to its success. My children respect
those they encounter. There is no
back-talk. If they would like discuss a
topic they do not agree with, I encourage it.
But it will not be done disrespectfully.
Throughout their lives, people have told me how well behaved my boys
are. THAT is my success. Not the plethora of ‘participation
trophies’. They only keep the trophies
they have EARNED.
Comparing
my family to the Walls family: my
children do not want. They do not go
hungry, they have stable living conditions, and we do not place our wants
before the children’s needs. My children know they are expected to try, but we
are available to support and guide them. In turn, independence in childhood is
a necessity. Although I believe the
Walls children had entirely too much, I am trying to give my children more as
they get older. I believe the lessons I
am instilling now will enable my children to make intelligent decisions and
therefore become happy, successful adults.
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteThere are many types of families out there. I appreciate you sharing what life is like for yours and the values you are trying to teach your children. There are many labels out there for families too and your comment regarding they helicopter parents made me think about labeling. It is hard to look at family and parents we see without being biased and without judging, but one can just never know a reason for another's actions or parenting styles. Just some food for thought...
I can relate to your comments: Throughout their lives, people have told me how well behaved my boys are. THAT is my success. Not the plethora of ‘participation trophies’. They only keep the trophies they have EARNED." I have heard this about my boys too, and can only hope to hear it about my daughter as she grows up.
Thanks for sharing Jenn.
Katie
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteWhat you're doing with your kids is exactly what I want to do with mine -- instill a healthy level of responsibility while still allowing myself the comfort of knowing I can reach them, if I need to (or if they need me). It is so hard, though, to push past my initial reaction to hover over my kids (they're 5 and 2) and protect them from everything. I don't even know where this comes from!
It sounds like respect is very important to you -- both that your children respect you and also that they respect others, in general. To me, that's a great example of how many of us choose to parent our children. We place emphasis on the things that are important to us. I think that's why sometimes we pass certain things on to our children. It's a HUGE responsibility -- raising a child!
I loved reading your post. Looking forward to reading more!
Alyssa
Dear Jenn,
ReplyDeleteFrom what you described in your blog here, I must acknowledge you are great mother. I was always taught, you teach and instill into your children to be the best that they can be. In our society today I see a mixture of families with children who” have needs” and “I deserve to be catered to “. I do not quite understand why there is not a happy medium with the children I see today. I always give each child my upmost respect no matter who they are or what they have. I believe with love there is respect in my family and in yours.
To this day, I still hear, “you must be proud of your sons”. My sons are now adults, that are well rounded and caring individuals who contribute to society. It warms my heart and makes me feel, that I am doing my job, being a MOM! Be proud Jenn, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!
KA
Dear Jenn,
ReplyDeleteFrom what you described in your blog here, I must acknowledge you are great mother. I was always taught, you teach and instill into your children to be the best that they can be. In our society today I see a mixture of families with children who” have needs” and “I deserve to be catered to “. I do not quite understand why there is not a happy medium with the children I see today. I always give each child my upmost respect no matter who they are or what they have. I believe with love there is respect in my family and in yours.
To this day, I still hear, “you must be proud of your sons”. My sons are now adults, that are well rounded and caring individuals who contribute to society. It warms my heart and makes me feel, that I am doing my job, being a MOM! Be proud Jenn, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!
KA